5 Signs You Might Be A Melter In NI
You can’t go anywhere without getting your head fried
By Abby Williams
Melter
Definition: A person that is so annoying it makes you feel like your brain is starting to melt.
Let’s face it, Northern Ireland is full of melters. You can’t go anywhere without getting your head fried by someone. But we all have our melty moments, so it’s best to embrace them and recognise when it’s happening. Here are five things to look out for...
1. You Post EVERYTHING On Social Media
You know who you are. We know your shoe size, what you eat for dinner every Tuesday and how bad your Aunt Margaret’s ingrown toenail is.
Possibly the most melty social media users are those who go off on mega-rants about how much they hate everyone and everything and then proceed to do regular, theatrical ‘friends list clear outs’. Just chill, ok? It’s only Facebook, it’ll be grand.
Note: You get +10 Melter Points for horrendous grammar and typing in a Northern Irish accent. Example: ‘Ats me away te bed there, wee swall the morra before I take the wains til the park. Yeooo.’
2. You Always Get Too Blocked
No matter how many sincere promises to the contrary, there’s always one mate who just does not know their limits.
While you can be relied on for all the craic, it’s often left to your mates to peel you off the floor and make sure you...well...don’t die. This can be a heavy burden, and after a time it will definitely make you a first class melter.
3. You’re Constantly On/Off/On Again With Your Partner
If you insist on going back and forth to your boy/girl like a yoyo, please leave the rest of the world out of it. After a while it just feels like we’re stuck in the relationship with you, and keeping up with the drama is giving us a fierce headache.
Persistent angry Facebook posts, changing your relationship status three times a day and repeatedly swearing you’re never going back to your ex becomes proper melty after the first fifty times. Have a word with yourself.
4. You’re Always Gurning About Something
Alright Negative Nancy, we know people in Northern Ireland love to complain but when most of your conversations revolve around how much you hate this person or that place, it is a sign you may indeed be a melter.
Ask yourself, why so serious? We know the world is in a grim state and you’re always skint/single/having a drama, but positive thinking goes a long way. Don’t be a melter.
5. You Talk An Awful Lot Of Rubbish
Some of us just can’t shut up in general. This is quite a common species of melter and you might recognise them as such through their constant jabbering about really melty subject-matter.
They never seem to stop banging on about their family dramas, government conspiracies, their right/left wing views or, worst of all, the Kardashians. It’s not that these are necessarily bad topics of conversation (except the last one), it’s that they go on and on and on about them until your face is literally melting off you every time you meet.
If these sound like you, chances are you’re definitely a bit of a melter (sorry). But don’t worry, the first step on the road to recovery is of course, acceptance.