8 Sure Signs You’re Definitely In A Northern Irish Pub
By Abby Williams
1. You’re Discussing The After-Party As Soon As You Arrive
Here in Northern Ireland we are renowned for out incessant availability for “the craic”. As a result, heading out to the bar is usually one stop on the way to a house-party...and we’re most likely plotting the after affair well before we’ve sipped our first pint.
Cue a lot of babbling over which house to go to, taxis up to the out of hours carry-out and a whole lot of mess for the poor soul who has to clean up the next day.
2. Someone Will Shout “Yeooo!”
You know it’s true. At some stage of the night there will be cause for someone to yell it out, whether it’s when their friend spills his drink all over the place or that banging tune comes on.
3. There’s Always One Person Who Gets Too Drunk
While the people of Northern Ireland are generally well able to hold their drink, there’s always going to be one that has one vodka and red bull too many.
This will usually be accompanied by protests that they “aren’t that blocked”, stumbling about asking everyone for a smoke, or the slurred mention of flegs.
4. There’s A Guy Named Marty/Johnny/Janty And He’s Probably Slabbering At A Hipster.
The man-bun, beard and skinny jeans combo is not unique to Norn Iron. The guy at the bar saying “Here mate, away and have a shave like!” however, is.
We like to think we’re a progressive country, but old habits die hard and often anything that goes against the grain is met with suspicion and a lot of slagging.
*5. That*** Friend Will Ask To Lend A Score To Get More Shots**
Where does his dole go? Nobody knows. But he’s always skint and you’ll probably never see that score again. He’ll also be stumbling around at some stage asking to borrow a wee feg.
6. There’s A Girl With Too Much Fake Tan/Gold Earrings/Thickly Drawn Eyebrows
And she’s probably pouting for selfies. Don’t get me wrong, she’s probably a nice girl. But millies are part and parcel of the population here, and it’s likely she’s someone you don’t really want to mess with. Otherwise her Uncle Billy will be after you.
7. It’s Never Just “A Few Drinks”
You know the drill. A couple of pints is really just code for getting absolutely spangled and waking up in some random house with a banging headache and no phone.
But no one can say the Northern Irish don’t give it their all. And despite insisting we’re not going out for rest of the year, you can bet we’ll be doing it all over again on Saturday.
8. Everyone Is Having A Moan About Their Pay/Dole Not Coming In
It’s tradition. The Northern Irish love a good whinge, and there’s no better time to let off steam than when you’re sitting in the smoking area of your local on a Friday evening.
The first round is also a great opportunity to affectionately sleg your mates. Mutual suffering and generally taking the mick out of ourselves is an important bonding experience in these parts.