13 Totally Rocking Christmas Songs
Featuring AC/DC, Twisted Sister, Korn and loads of death metal
Last updated 5th Jan 2018
Mind-numbingly bored of the same old nauseating Christmas tunes spewing out of every shop tannoy, TV show and pub jukebox over the festive period?! Then fret ye not!
Featuring rock titans AC/DC, Alice Cooper, Lemmy Kilmeister, Ronnie James Dio, King Diamond, Tony Iommi and many more, we at Kerrang! Radio present 13 very heavy Christmas songs to get you truly in the festive spirit.
1. King Diamond: ‘No Presents For Christmas’ Released on Christmas Day back in 1985, if there’s anyone who deserves a lump of coal in their stocking then it’s King Diamond. The sleigh bell tinkle and ‘Jingle Bells’ prelude only serves as the calm before the storm as amidst a cacophony of riffs King Diamond screeches through a diatribe against good ole’ St Nick. Now one of the band’s signature songs, it’s still performed live to this day.
2. Venom: ‘Black Xmas’ The opening track of Venom’s 1987 tour-de-force ‘Calm Before The Storm’, the ominously titled ‘Black Xmas’ is an adrenaline-pumping thrash metal blitzkrieg. A track that no-doubt irks Christians, traditional Christmas imagery is played upon and subverted into darker, Satanic themes - “Before the newborn starts to cry / Flaming star or the call of the wild / And it's all in the eyes of a child / Black Xmas, Devils Eve / Black Xmas, Devil's wine”.
3. Korn: ‘Jingle Balls’ The bruising final track from their ‘Issues’ bonus disc, Korn delved into death metal territory for their brutal 1999 interpretation of the traditional 19th Century song. In fact, if ‘Jingle Balls’ doesn’t make you feel Christmassy then nothing will.
4. 220 Volt: ‘Heavy Christmas’ Like a certain brand of wood stain, 220 Volt’s relentless ‘Heavy Christmas’ does exactly what it says on the tin. Surprisingly catchy but with absolutely no nonsense and no jingly frills, ‘Heavy Christmas’ is thundered along by power riffs, pummelling drums and epic breakdowns – and it’s quite possibly the best Christmas song on our list. Awesome stuff.
5. Twisted Sister: ‘Heavy Metal Christmas’ Featuring elements of the traditional carol ‘The Twelve Days Of Christmas’, ‘Heavy Metal Christmas’ is the only original composition from the band’s 2006 holiday album ‘A Twisted Christmas’. It’s a howling, glammed-up and preposterously over-the-top stomper centred on the amazing lyric: “On my heavy metal Christmas my true love gave to me, a tattoo of Ozzy!”
6. I Declare War: ‘Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer’ The Seattle purveyors of extreme deathcore haven’t covered the traditional Christmas classic, nope, instead they’ve eaten it and spewed out the green bile. Starting off with some pretty faithful singing from the band, it then descends into a cacophony of guttural growls, feedback and apocalyptic drums. Excellent stuff.
7. AC/DC: ‘Mistress For Christmas’ The 1990 yuletide hard-rock anthem opens with the poignant spoken words “Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells / Jingle All The Day / I Just Can't Wait Till Christmas Time / When I Can Grope You In The Hay” and only intensifies in its sleaziness (and cheesiness) when Brian Johnson starts barking his way through the song in typical blood-vessel busting style.
8. August Burns Red: ‘Carol Of The Bells’ Enter Shikari and Dream Theater have both covered the Christmas favourite over the years but our pick of the bunch is undoubtedly August Burns Red’s fiery interpretation. Lulling you into a false sense of a security with the jingling sleigh bells, the instrumental blitzkrieg gradually builds in ferocity into a beast of a tune.
9. Ronnie James Dio / Tony Iommi / Rudy Sarzo / Simon Wright: ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’ Lifted from the 2008 album ‘We Wish You A Metal Xmas… And A Headbanging New Year’, the late-great Ronnie James Dio fronted this powerful heavy metal reworking of the yuletide carol. Epic is an understatement.
10. Alice Cooper / John 5 / Billy Sheehan / Vinny Appice: ‘Santa Claws Is Coming To Town’ Taken from the same album, Alice Cooper and his cohorts brought a bit of Halloween to the Christmas season with this horrorshow reconstruction of the children’s’ favourite. Look, they’ve even taken the trouble to change ‘Claus’ to ‘Claws’ for extra menacing effect.
11. Tortured Conscience: ‘The Little Drummer Boy’ Easily the standout track from the alternative Chrimbo compilation ‘A Brutal Christmas - The Season In Chaos’, the only deciferable vocal utterance from the gloriously debased tune is the “daaah-dah-dah-dah-dum”. Imagine if Satan made a Christmas song; it would probably sound a lot like this.
12. Lemmy Kilmister / Billy Gibbons / Dave Grohl: ‘Run Rudolph Run’ Another ‘Metal Xmas’ highlight, Lemmy, Billy and Dave’s version of the Chuck Berry Christmas ditty is undoubtedly heavier (mainly thanks to Lemmy’s flem-gurgling drawl) yet it stays true to the songs blues-rock routes.
13. Hidden Pride: ‘Death Metal Merry Christmas’ Like a well known brand of wood varnish, Hidden Pride’s ‘Death Metal Merry Christmas’ does exactly what it says on the tin. The now defunct Canadian collective open their tune with a cute kid singing ‘Jingle Bells’ in French before all hell breaks loose for one minute.